Confessions Of A Small Group Leader - People We Didn't Expect

As promised, we continue with Joe's article:

People We Didn't Expect

When word gets out that something significant is going on in so-and-so's living room, you'll attract two kinds of people who can spell trouble: (1) those with emotional or psychological problems who see your group as a crisis intervention center, and (2) offbeat theological nomads looking for a group to take over.

Our group didn't do so well with those looking for psychoanalysis. I read Gary Collins, Jay Adams, and every other counseling expert I could find, but I ended up referring the troubled souls to local ministers who had doctorates in counseling. The troubled souls merely drifted through in their search for a couch.

We did better with the traveling heretics. If you measure success by the ability to drown dissonant voices, we were most impressive.

One night several cultists dropped in and wanted to challenge me on two or three basics of orthodoxy. For once I was glad I'd cloned myself among the members of the group. I just sat back and listened as two of the guys I'd been meeting for breakfast over a systematic theology text soundly out-debated the outsiders. The non-negotiables of orthodoxy were well defended without me opening my mouth. If I hadn't done much else right, at least I'd developed a couple of better-than-average apologists for the faith.

Ah yes, like Joe, I have experienced people from both of these camps. I would like to address my take on these two people groups that you and I so dearly love but to be totally honest we would love to exclude.

1. The EGR - If your church ever did the "40 Days of Purpose" campaign then you know the acronym "Extra Grace Required." While there is much we can learn from an EGR in the way of providing them with pastoral care and helping your group learn to serve another in need, there is also a great amount of damage that can occur. Bluntly stated, EGRs are like leeches the size of the state of Utah. They will suck the life out of your group on any given evening in a matter of minutes by dominating the conversation with their pitiful stories, self loathing and their obvious inability to love themselves.

The best thing you can do to help the EGR is understand your group's limitations. If no one in your group is a professional counselor then DO NOT attempt to fix this person. What we can focus on is loving them and connecting them to a counseling professional.

2. Drive-By Theologians - These are people who jump from group to group like an angel of death. Dominating conversation by playing devil's advocate for the sake of perceived fun instead of authentic learning and equipping in discipleship. When you ask them where they've been, they share stories of countless churches and groups they have been a part of but have not one positive experience to share. Of course, the conversation then leads to how their last small group leader or pastor had caused some sort of huge theological crisis over a piece of minutia that God Himself could care less about. When I get stuck in conversation like this I begin begging my sub-conscious to allow me to change my position on assisted suicide and find me Dr. Kervorkian.

The best way we can help the drive-by theologian is to conduct what Paul would call a "truth in love confrontation." I love confrontation but don't misunderstand me, I don't love conflict. I believe it is because I like the results of healthy confrontation. The drive-by theologian, when confronted in a healthy way, will do one of two things: Acknowledge their wrong doing and attempt life change or spread their wings and fly off like an angel of death to kill another group.