Who is Building your Home Team?

I saw some friends at church on Sunday who told me they are concerned that their new Home Team (HT) wasn’t growing as fast as they would like. This was in response to my question about how the new HT was going.

Some questions went through my mind as to why they may be concerned about this:

Is it because a fast growing HT means they are successful and to be admired?
Or do they think they will be judged by people at church or the church staff?
Or have expectations been created that the HTs must grow fast?
Or do they have doubts about whether they can build a HT?
Or do they think people don’t like them and won’t join?

I didn’t offer any advice because I didn’t think I was being asked for any. Although I do have a propensity to offer advice when not asked.

I am not an expert at building a Home Team, but I have helped start two Men’s Home Teams at CCV. I think the most important thing we can do is to ask God to lead us and for us to be obedient to God and to trust Him that He will put together the HT that He wants.

It may not always be what we want or be built as rapidly or as big as we want. And it may not include the people we want.

Does that mean that we don’t do anything? No. We should work to meet new people every week at church, build relationships with them and when they are more comfortable with us invite them to come to a HT meeting.

Think about what the HT can offer people. Why would it benefit them to be in this HT? What are the common interests, similarities, etc. that you share? Or do you just get along really well with these people? As you get to know them certain things will become evident. Relationships are important.

It’s great if they ask you to recommend a HT for them, even if it isn’t the one you are in. It means they are starting to trust you. If people don’t trust you then you won’t be able to recruit them or lead a group effectively.

Here’s an example. I was sending out e-mail invitations to the June 30 CCV Men – Breakfast meeting. I came across the name of a guy I hadn’t seen in awhile but knew well enough to say hello to.

I hesitated about sending an invitation to him and thought about it. I usually try to pray for God to bring the men He wants to the Breakfast meeting. So I thought it’s up to you God and I sent an invitation to him. He responded shortly after saying he was coming.

When I saw him at the breakfast meeting I went up to him and greeted him and almost immediately he told me he was interested in joining a morning men’s HT.

The men’s HT I am part of meets in the evening. There was a time when I would have been upset by this and would have tried to convince him to come to the evening group.

But I immediately took him to the morning group HT Leader and introduced them. I was glad this guy trusted me and that God was answering prayer. I don’t know if he joined the group or not, but I’ll ask him when I see him.

If the couple I wrote about in the first paragraph asked for my help, my responses would have been questions which I think are more appropriate than advice:

Are you praying that God will work in your life to help you become the person He wants you to be to lead this group?
Are you praying for God to lead you to the people He wants you to have in this group?
Are you praying for God to give you the words He wants you to speak to people?
Are you meeting new people every week at church?
Are you reading the Bible and growing in your Faith so you can lead?
Are you learning how to work with people?

God’s timing is different than our timing and God’s ways are different than our ways.

My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,' says the Lord.'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways,And My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

God, help us to realize that we are building Home Teams for you and your Kingdom. Use us to reach the people you want and equip us to help them grow closer to you.

A Do Over

I’m a member of my church’s staff and have led or been part of ten small groups the past seven years. Some were women’s groups and some were couples’ groups. For one reason or another, they never lasted. Either they fell apart or something changed in my life and I’d leave the group – that is except for the last group I lead. I intentionally killed the group because too many boundaries were crossed.

The women’s small group was made up of Christian women and women checking out Christianity. I was excited at the opportunity to be part of a group with a diverse mix of women. But from the first time we met, two long-time Christian women took up every ounce of social time complaining about husbands, kids and neighbors – you name it they complained about it. When the time came to begin the study, they stopped complaining and talking. By that time nobody talked. This left me to ask and answer questions and share my personal stories. In my mind it wasn’t a small group if we didn’t have a discussion and share our lives. This went on week after week after week.

Why was I surprised when, one Sunday, a husband of a group member asked me how I was handling a personal situation I’d shared with the group? I was horrified – how could she take what I’d shared and tell their spouse? So I did what any mature, small group leader would do. I complained about it to a fellow staff member and my husband who both encouraged me to talk to the woman whose husband approached me. Unfortunately, the result of my immaturity and lack of experience lead me to make some bad decisions.

I never talked to the group or the individual about the age old small group rule of “what’s said in the group stays in the group.” I felt so betrayed by the situation that I disbanded the group with no explanation other than “I was no longer able to lead on that night.” I said earlier that boundaries were crossed and that’s why the group died, but in reality, I never set boundaries in the first place.

I left that small group and vowed I’d never be part of a group again. Anyway, I had the church staff, they could be considered a small group, right? That was the way it was until September of 2006 when our staff realized that we were leaders asking our congregation to do what we weren’t doing ourselves. Several staff members hadn’t been in a small group in years. I was one of them.

Four years later, with a little more leadership experience and the “in your face” discussion about not being able to lead where you’ve not been yourself, I’m part of a small group with my husband and five other couples. This group, too, is made up of Christians and those still searching. However, one of the first discussions we had was about what each person wanted from the group and why they were in the group. Honesty, trust and a place to speak our minds topped the list. Up front we agreed that “what’s said in the group stays in the group!” The tone for our group was set. Everybody would get an opportunity to speak up and to know that what they said was for this group only.

I’ve learned from these experiences that as a leader, I have to lead. In my women’s group, by not establishing healthy boundaries and guiding discussions effectively, no one benefited from being part of the group. Spiritual growth didn’t happen, friendships weren’t formed and trust wasn’t cultivated.

By talking about boundaries first, my current group has been able to study and discuss everything from finances, to the book of Philippians, to what it means to be the church instead of going to church, and even the book of Genesis. During our Genesis study we all died laughing when we read a passage from The Message where it refers to sex as “sport.” One of the wives told her husband that if he didn’t do this, this and this there’d be no sport for him. What’s equally as great as the fun stuff we’ve shared is that one husband, who isn’t a Christian, motivates his wife to come to the group when she doesn’t feel like it and that the tough questions are being asked and discussed by everybody. My hope is that this is what it looks like for a small group to grow spiritually, develop friendships, deepen trust and have fun.

At times I’m still not sure if the group thing is for me, it takes time and commitment and I feel a tremendous amount of responsibility to “get it right” when I’m leading people spiritually. I admit, though, that I’m glad I was challenged by some of my fellow staff members to try it again.

Conefessions Of A Small Group Leader - Two Words Of Warning

Here is the final section of Joe's article:

Two Words of Warning

Ministry in a small group requires a solid ecclesiology. Without it, two pitfalls become real dangers for small-group leaders.

First, people can make you feel you have to start a church, if not formally, at least informally, complete with polity, clergy, and other trappings. The danger is losing sight of the original purpose; the group can begin to exist for its own sake.

Remember Amos. God may be raising up a neighborhood Bible study or a young-adult sharing group just for a certain time. Meet as long as you see fruit. Quit when the purposes have been fulfilled.

A second pitfall is thinking that because you're not a church, you can get by with less commitment and preparation. The difference between an organized church and a home Bible study is often no more than people sitting in pews or on sofas. The body of Christ is anatomically identical whether in a living room or a cathedral. It requires our best effort.

Don't confuse the wineskins with the wine. Whether the wineskins are organized churches with pews and payrolls or home Bible studies with coffee and questions, the wine is the same.

So small groups are sometimes fraught with dangers—largely in the temptation to make them something they're not or in not respecting them for all they are. But don't allow the perils to dissuade you.

Despite my less-than-perfect experience, I still believe the small group is the best vehicle available for the full employment of all the spiritual gifts and blessings in the church

When Joe wraps up this article it is quite confusing. First he says don't turn your small group into a church, then he tells us that the only difference between your small group and an organized church is pews and sofas. So if they are the same and our churches are not fruitful should we close those up too?

I do think there is a time and place when a small group should close up shop. Sometimes it is easier to start fresh than to wake the dead. My worry is that people will read an article like this and they will close their group simply because they are facing adversity. When times get tough in group life and a leader is experiencing conflict between group members, or a study seems boring, or the leader is crossing their own spiritual desert, it gets kind of tough to see the fruit. Maybe there are seasons with no fruit. Often I have found fruit comes after hard labor.

Despite our collective less than perfect state of existence, God will still use us to help people connect with each other and Himself.

Confessions Of A Small Group Leader - The End Of Our Beginning

Another Piece of Joe's article... here we go:

The End of Our Beginning

I once heard J. Vernon McGee say something to the effect that most organizations get started because there's a real need that ought to be met, but many groups perpetuate themselves long after the goals have been met. They outlive their usefulness.

From the beginning I viewed the Bible study as a temporary work that would meet some needs, fill a gap, and then pass away when no longer needed. I often thought of Amos the prophet, who rose from obscurity to speak the words God gave him and then, his mission completed, had enough sense to shut up and go back to his herds. I vowed I would be like Amos and disband the small group when my prophetic mission was accomplished.

Eventually came the day when I felt the Bible study had outlived its purpose. Most of the people were in churches that, for the most part, met their needs, and the few who hadn't yet joined organized congregations were spiritually strong enough to survive without the weekly spoon feeding. Of course, there were a few who relied on the group heavily—too heavily, I thought. I suspected they would grow more if made to fend for themselves.

The first time I suggested we disband, the group protested. I gave it more time but urged them to pray for God's direction and to examine their motives for seeing the group continue.

The next time I suggested dissolution, there were nods of agreement. We met one more time, and then called it quits.

I am not really sure how to respond to Joe here. I am sure he made the right decision for himself, however I hope he took a good look at the needs of each group member before cutting them loose. Which again brings us back to what is the purpose you group has and what is your spiritual gift mix. Do your giftings help the group fulfill that purpose?

What Joe is addressing is quite an interesting topic. Should every group have a beginning and an end? I don't think so. Some groups should but not every group. Some groups are dynamic and in constant shift. Quickly assimilating new people, bringing them to a point in their spiritual journey and sending them out to lead other groups, serve in ministries and building up new groups. While other groups that are evangelizing spend years exploring topics to help just one person cross the line of faith.

Hopefully, if you are at this crossroads that Joe is speaking of, then you too are carefully seeking God's wisdom in how to proceed.

Confessions Of A Small Group Leader - An Informal Institution

Here is another interesting section from Joe's article. Lets see what we can learn...

An Informal Institution

The nonchurchy, spontaneous atmosphere of our group was its most basic appeal. It was my fault we lost it. In an effort to develop cohesion and identity, we developed too many trappings of an institution.

One of my early mistakes was bringing in outside speakers once a month. I thought it would give us access to the best possible teaching. But attendance dropped on those nights, the group voting their disapproval by their absence. Those who came were hesitant to open up with questions or comments.

Another mistake was trying to give the group a name. Being identified with a catchy name and logo would draw us closer, I thought, but the group saw the innovation as churchiness. They continued to call our group simply "the Bible study."

The whole group was at fault for yet another feature: we behaved like jealous lovers when one of our number left for another activity or ministry. The heart of institutionalism is demanding self-interested loyalty, which should never characterize Christians, whose only justifiable loyalty is their allegiance to Christ. We would never say so, but we began feeling ours was the best, if not the only, game in town. We forgot our purposes of discipleship, evangelism, and Bible knowledge. We just wanted to preserve our group.

We even had a liturgy of sorts. We ate junk food at a certain time, prayed at a certain time, shared, and of course, I taught—all in proper order. We lost our initial spontaneity and became so rigid that visitors felt like outsiders and didn't come back. We no longer offered the cozy supplement to the church; we had become our own church.

I can't say that I understand this one. In my humble opinion, if Joe's started his group the way he ended this article, there is a fundamental problem. When small groups are effective they are not simply a supplement to church. They are the core of your church. As I state in my blog description at the top of this page, "Small Groups are where life and discipleship meet." This is so important! I was having a discussion with the Senior Pastor of our church, Brian Jones, about this. Real discipleship does not happen on Sunday morning. NOTE: I AM NOT SAYING THE TEACHING AT OUR WEEKLY SERVICES IS NOT IMPORTANT.

These weekly teaching moments are very important. But sermons are a starting point and should work in unison with our small groups. Our weekly services should be a springboard that we can use to encourage life application. But that life application doesn't happen sitting in a pew or seat at a weekly service. It happens in our relationships with other Christians who get in our face and ask us the hard questions. Hopefully we can avoid Joe's mistake and learn from his experience.

Confessions Of A Small Group Leader - People We Didn't Expect

As promised, we continue with Joe's article:

People We Didn't Expect

When word gets out that something significant is going on in so-and-so's living room, you'll attract two kinds of people who can spell trouble: (1) those with emotional or psychological problems who see your group as a crisis intervention center, and (2) offbeat theological nomads looking for a group to take over.

Our group didn't do so well with those looking for psychoanalysis. I read Gary Collins, Jay Adams, and every other counseling expert I could find, but I ended up referring the troubled souls to local ministers who had doctorates in counseling. The troubled souls merely drifted through in their search for a couch.

We did better with the traveling heretics. If you measure success by the ability to drown dissonant voices, we were most impressive.

One night several cultists dropped in and wanted to challenge me on two or three basics of orthodoxy. For once I was glad I'd cloned myself among the members of the group. I just sat back and listened as two of the guys I'd been meeting for breakfast over a systematic theology text soundly out-debated the outsiders. The non-negotiables of orthodoxy were well defended without me opening my mouth. If I hadn't done much else right, at least I'd developed a couple of better-than-average apologists for the faith.

Ah yes, like Joe, I have experienced people from both of these camps. I would like to address my take on these two people groups that you and I so dearly love but to be totally honest we would love to exclude.

1. The EGR - If your church ever did the "40 Days of Purpose" campaign then you know the acronym "Extra Grace Required." While there is much we can learn from an EGR in the way of providing them with pastoral care and helping your group learn to serve another in need, there is also a great amount of damage that can occur. Bluntly stated, EGRs are like leeches the size of the state of Utah. They will suck the life out of your group on any given evening in a matter of minutes by dominating the conversation with their pitiful stories, self loathing and their obvious inability to love themselves.

The best thing you can do to help the EGR is understand your group's limitations. If no one in your group is a professional counselor then DO NOT attempt to fix this person. What we can focus on is loving them and connecting them to a counseling professional.

2. Drive-By Theologians - These are people who jump from group to group like an angel of death. Dominating conversation by playing devil's advocate for the sake of perceived fun instead of authentic learning and equipping in discipleship. When you ask them where they've been, they share stories of countless churches and groups they have been a part of but have not one positive experience to share. Of course, the conversation then leads to how their last small group leader or pastor had caused some sort of huge theological crisis over a piece of minutia that God Himself could care less about. When I get stuck in conversation like this I begin begging my sub-conscious to allow me to change my position on assisted suicide and find me Dr. Kervorkian.

The best way we can help the drive-by theologian is to conduct what Paul would call a "truth in love confrontation." I love confrontation but don't misunderstand me, I don't love conflict. I believe it is because I like the results of healthy confrontation. The drive-by theologian, when confronted in a healthy way, will do one of two things: Acknowledge their wrong doing and attempt life change or spread their wings and fly off like an angel of death to kill another group.

Confessions Of A Small Group Leader - Resisting My Natural Bent

Here is the next section of Joe Higginbotham's article"
Resisting My Natural Bent

Allowing myself to become the long-term leader played against my natural strengths. I'm a starter, not a sustainer.

Our original plan was for me to start the group, leave it in the hands of whatever leadership God raised up, and move on to launch another group. But I was swayed from my better judgment.

Yes, we started a spin-off group for people who couldn't meet on Tuesdays, but it never really took off. Instead of leading that group myself, I delegated the missionary task to two young men I'd been meeting with one-on-one. They were good students, willing "missionaries," but the fact remains that I was the more gifted spark plug. The main group would have done fine under their leadership; the second group would have done better under mine.

Leading a Bible study over the long haul is like pastoring—you become a marriage counselor, demonologist, and psychotherapist. My living room became a refuge for the romantically disturbed. Since my gifts are more prophetic than pastoral, I was playing a role God hadn't intended me to play. I wound up tired, frustrated, impatient.

This wouldn't have happened if I'd stuck to my plan of starting but letting others sustain.


It sounds like Joe really knows his strengths and weaknesses. I am always for reflecting on one's strengths and weaknesses. There is no doubt that some of the leaders in our small group ministry are more entrepreneurial than maintenance oriented. One of our leaders has started 3 or 4 groups already. I believe the key to doing what Joe says he should have done lies with choosing the right leader. Here are some guidelines I follow to help me choose that person.

• Find someone you like to work with - if you like them the chances are that others who are in your group do too. You need to know that the group members will stick with this person and not jump ship. Plus, you may need to spend time coaching this leader through future struggles the group may have. If you like to work with them you won't find this time spent coaching to be a burden.


• Know their spiritual gifts - You should have good understanding of your own gifts as well. By knowing your spiritual gifts you can lead more effectively by leveraging what comes natural to you in the group environment. For example: if your primary spiritual gift is administration, then you should lead through organization. Planning what night the group meets, setting up a calendar of events the group does together, setting up what study your group is going to do next, figuring out who in the group is going to lead the discussion next week (especially if this is not natural for you). You can click here and take a test to find out your gifts for free - http://www.churchgrowth.org/analysis/intro.html


• Observe the behavior of others - who is it that people listen to when they speak? During social time who always has people gravitate to them? These are the people you want to discuss leading the group in the future.

Hopefully these tips help your small group discover new leaders!